Wasting away again in GuinessDrinkingVille....

The longer I stay in Derry, the harder I find it to justify the activities of the woman formerly known as the Fabulously Motivated Carie Windham.

To make this understandable to the newest subscriber to the story of my life, I offer a detailed account of my whereabouts on Monday, October 3.

8:00 a.m.: Hit snooze. Debate getting out of bed to shower or showering after class. Go back to bed.

9:00 a.m.: Debate, again, the merits of a shower. Go back to bed.

9:50 a.m.: Toss on 7 layers, brush teeth, fluff hair, run to class.

10:20ish - 1:00 p.m.: Class

1:15 p.m.: Return to flat for lunch, shower.

2:00 p.m. : Return to campus with James to try to finagle the International Office to organize and pay for a trip to Giant's Causeway next week.

3:00 p.m. : Computer lab for various e-mail and trip planning festivities.

6:00 p.m.: Shut down computer, head to Ice Wharf for a pint with Jaspar and James.

7:00 p.m.: Split fish and chips meal with Ben at Ice Wharf.

7:45 p.m.: Run into Kerry, Barry and Sarah at Ice Wharf, move pints to their table.

8:50 p.m.: Decide against movie. Stay at Ice Wharf for more good conversation.

11 p.m.: Head to Bound for Boston for more pints and good conversation.

2 a.m. : Call Jon. Read a bit of chic lit. Wash face/teeth. Collapse from exhaustion.

Now, for conversation's point, let's take a page from my planner at this time, last year.

Monday, Oct. 2

7:30 a.m.: Alarm goes off. Debate necessity of shower. Sniff armpits. Go back to bed. (Some things never change.)

8:30 a.m.: Rouse from bed, brush teeth, fluff and restrain hair. Hop in car and head to campus.

9:00 a.m. - noon: Internship at Center for Student Leadership, Ethics, and Public Service.

12:15: Grab high-calorie bagel at Bruegger's for ridiculous price. Read Technician as I eat.

12:23 - 2:20: Various versions of class.

2:30 - 4:00: Work in Student Government office, responding to e-mails, typing up guides, making various small talk with Ms. Cira.

4:00 - 6:00: Go to library to peruse archives for pertinent articles for senior thesis and to do research for Honors Extension project.

6:15: Meet Rachel at home to munch on pre-packaged food and to watch 90210.

7:00-8:00: Meeting to discuss saving the world.

8:00-10:00: Work on essays for graduate school/scholarships/Teach for America while watching bad tv.

10:00-midnight: Reading for class.

midnight: Call Jon. Collapse.

Now, it might not seem like too much is changed. Swap a few pints with a few meetings and hours in the library - no big deal. But coming to terms with my lack of responsibility has been quite an adjustment.

As I sipped on my pint last night at the Ice Wharf, for instance, I had to continuously beat down a tiny voice in the back of my head muttering, "Isn't there something worthwhile you should be doing?"

The thing is, there wasn't. I have no job. No leadership positions. No course work outside of the small bit of reading that I accomplish on bus rides over the weekend or while lying in bed at night. No newspaper to publish. No meetings to commandeer. At first, I felt unconnected, useless, a bit lost. Certainly, I kept thinking, this is not what the Mitchell intended. Shouldn't I be starting a club? Feeding the homeless? Perhaps getting one step closer to NPR by shoving my foot in the BBC's door?

Today, however, I feel just grand.

Last night as I sipped my Stella (To keep stride with the unmatched drinking abilities of the Irish and to keep my bank account happy, I've learned to just buy two pints each night and sip them slowly throughout the evenings activities. That way, I'm always participating but never overdoing it.) , I shared my situation with the friends gathered round the table. My friend Kerry, an Alfred graduate from New York, has been harboring similar feelings. It's become quite obvious over the last two weeks that Kerry and I are a lot of like. Besides our NPR ambitions, I have a feeling our resumes would have looked remarkably alike in college: leadership positions, internships, volunteer projects, student government, student newspaper, various events. Like me, she felt like she should be doing more in Northern Ireland.

But then, we reasoned, why should we? Aren't we deserved a one-year hiatus from our plans to take over the world? And, I've come to discover, studying abroad isn't just about packing in the internships, the service, and the clubs, it's also about studying abroad. Taking in the sights. Hopping a bus down South. Discussing Bloody Sunday and the merits of the Beckham marriage over Harp's.

I can't help but think that perhaps I've been missing the point for the last four years. True, I've built an impressive resume. Certainly, I've got a good chance of getting into graduate school and securing a job. Of course, I've never been accused of not reaching my potential.

But, I certainly haven't had many nights like last night. Simply killing time, no deadlines, assignments or responsibilities hanging over my head, as I discussed Darfur, mullets, free trade, and Internet dating. Sitting around a table of people bonded not by mutual ambitions but brought together by a mutual desire for friendship, laughs, and good conversation.

After four years of grumbling about the fun things I'd do if I'd only had the time, I find myself suddenly faced with the time to do it and finally - after two weeks of introspection - the courage to realize that it's OK to do them. I've been given an amazing opportunity and it's time to bring it to its full potential. (Don't worry, I'm not talking about drinking in the pubs each night as full potential.)

So, I canceled my appointment with the BBC this week. I'm going to apply for a four-week internship over the summer in place of a steady, term internship.

Instead, I've e-mailed Habitat for Humanity about building each week and working on an oral history project. And, I've signed up for my first hill-walking trip next weekend. I've put my name down for boxercise and pub quiz on Wednesdays and bought tickets to a concert this Thursday. And I've taken over the role as resident weekend trip planner for my group of friends.

I haven't, despite temptation, joined any campus organizations, started writing for the campus publication, or tried to find a job. I stopped looking at post-Ireland job applications and graduate school requirements and I finally cancelled my appointment to take the GRE in Dublin.

We'll see how long this lasts......